Grandfather has turned 90. This event has immediately brought to our attention the need of finding someone to look after him. He is all by himself in his flat. His sons and grandsons have no time to pay him but short visits. He is so bored. He quite rarely leaves his flat. To our relief one of the newspapers announces the recent setting up of an office for "Home assistance for the elderly". I am the one chosen by our clan to get in touch with them.I am showed into an empty room where a dowdy young woman seated at a table is biting heartily from a hot dog squashed between the two halves of a loaf of bread."Yes, I see what you mean", says she. "That's exactly the point. Excuse my eating. I am so hungry. I am listening all the same. What age your old lady?""It's not an old lady. It's an old man going on 91.""I'm so sorry, then. You see, that is our problem here. All our ladies turn down any job when they hear that they will have to take old men to that room, you know where.""They won't have to. He can go there by himself. He is pretty lively, you know. But could they take him to the park, you think?""How do you mean? On wheels?""What wheels? You're talking as if he were some machinery! Are you quite all right, my dear?"The girl swings in her chair but suddenly the chair gives in and three of its legs fall apart. For a moment she rolls on the floor but then she quickly springs up and swears calmly. She tells me that they have already repaired it twice but it was no use because instead of nailing its legs they glued them and "it didn't hold.""You don't have much furniture in here, I must say.""What should we need that for?"Indeed."So what would you be able to do for our grandfather? Now that you are reassured that he can function on his own wheels.""I will put your name on the waiting list and let you know later on.""How will you do that? I haven't noticed any telephone around here.""The headquarters have given me plenty of small change. I just have to go out and use the public phone at the corner. Would you mind my having some juice?""Please do.""That sausage was really spicy. OK then. It's as good as done. We'll be sending you a wench one of these days."I am trying to find more about the wench. "Whomever we'll be able to produce," the young lady says holding the second bottle of juice up above her enormous opened mouth and pouring its contents into it. "You only have to be very careful.""Careful about what?""Any gold teeth, rings or earrings your old man might be wearing".This is the point where all of a sudden the conversation takes a very exciting turn."He quit wearing an earring back when he started his military service. He served in the buccaneer's corps. Now as for gold teeth, he does have one. What should he do about it? Have it taken out?""Not necessarily. I just wanted to warn you. These women are not Mother Theresa. And there's something more. Ask him to tell you if they beat him."I don't see why they should have to do that."Some of them are in this habit. Well, you know. Old people are so moody. They always have something to ask for. Now you have to take them out, now you have to take them in. You have to smack them to quiet them down a bit. Then of course they fear the old men would tell on them to their relatives. They show them the pillow.""Pillow? What pillow?" I am getting more and more interested."The pillow the old boys sleep on. They threaten to smother them if they give anything out."This makes my flesh creep."But I'm telling you, the worst of all is that they steal their food."That indeed is something I cannot tolerate and I say it aloud. The girl seats herself on the table. The table gives a deep groan.She then takes a long cigarette out of a packet and asks me if I mind the smoke. I give her permission to smoke but I entreat her to send us either a perfectly trustworthy woman or no one at all."What do you fancy then? I say, if they could find any trustworthy woman, they would promote her to head of department," and the young woman sighed, wagging her fat legs shod in cowboy boots."What is your position here then?""I am the deputy.""And your boss is who?""We don't have one. And indeed, what should we need one for?""Indeed."I do not think I am going to prevail myself of their services. I say that aloud."Very well then, she says. That's for the better because we haven't employed anybody yet. It's true we put the ad in the paper but for the time being we have nothing to offer. You do realize that we cannot send just anybody into one's home. Anyway so far nobody has turned up to apply for any job.""But then why are you here? What did they put you in this office for?""To diversify our services.""And scare off any possible customer.""Possibly," the girl admits. She holds out the packet. "Sorry for not asking. Would you like a cigarette?"I would not.I am on my way out. She shouts to me:"Come and see me some time when you are not in a hurry. I am so lonely in here."
by Valentin Silvestru (1924-1996)
