Party With Mother

excerpt I carefully studied him. It seemed to me that he was shaking. His hair was dark and curly, his eyes bright and his face was fresh and clean like a baby's."Why are you looking at me like this!?""My, how you've grown, Raresh!""You have such beautiful eyes! I've never seen eyes as beautiful as yours!"I reached out and gently stroked his cheek. I don't know what came over me!Now he was shaking even more than before."Raresh, are you cold? We can get in the car if you want …I got out because I couldn't stand being alone in there any longer…""How is your husband?""My husband, who knows!? My husband is always gone." I couldn't help telling those things to that young man, to whom I had never spoken before. "You know, tomorrow is my birthday! I will of course be alone! Cezar is staying with his grandma these days… You remember Cezar, right?""Yes, of course I remember him …he looks a lot like you…""I see you really weren't joking, you have been paying attention to me!?""I've already told you, I truly admired you…"I smiled sadly! I didn't know that someone had admired me so much!"Why are you so sad!?""I never knew that someone had admired me so much…""What do you mean, you didn't know?! We all stood gaping whenever you came out of the house…""Really!?""Do you want me to tell you what you used to wear?""What was I wearing?""You were wearing a lot of white, whenever you went out during the day, around the house you were wearing all kinds of colored, sleeveless frocks, and in the evening, when you went out with your husband, you were very sexy, and you were wearing long, low-necked, tight dresses…""We were going to parties…""Yes I know, my folks were wondering how come you found so many parties!""Did they? I didn't know!""It doesn't matter; even New Year's Eve took my parents by surprise!"Again, I found myself laughing."Raresh, you are an intelligent, charming young man… Do you know how long it's been since I laughed like this?""What do I have to do so you could laugh again? You are so beautiful when you laugh!"I felt weird. It seemed that a snake was creeping through the air, consuming my years!"I'll embrace myself and I'll go by foot.""I can take you home if you want! As a matter of fact I insist that I take you home! It would be a great pleasure to me! And I could also see again the places I grew up in… I haven't been there since we moved…""But why?!""I don't know, I guess there was nothing for me there! But I have been thinking about you!""Why have you been thinking about me, Raresh!?""Didn't you see what ugly girls lived on our street!? And where we moved later, the girls were even uglier… So if I wanted to think about something beautiful, I used to think about you…""Raresh, but I was older than you!""It didn't matter to me!"I stepped back and looked at him. I could help it, I just had to ask him! And so I did:"And how about now, does it matter now?"He hesitated, again I sensed him shaking, and then simply but quickly said, looking straight at me:"No, it doesn't matter now, either!"I turned my head and for a while, I looked at a street light. I felt he was coming closer to me. He reached his hand, and touched my cheek. His hand was warm and soft! I let him do it. I kept looking toward the streetlight!"When you look into the light, your eyes seem graffiti drawn," I heard him whisper close to my ear.I allowed him!He came even closer and sniffed on my cheek, my neck, on my collarbone…I didn't mind!I felt that all my cells, of which I had no idea they even existed, were releasing endorphin."You smell so nice," he whispered.I started caressing his hair, my fingers got entangled in his hair, I could barely pull them out, I put my hands on his nape, towards his neck, we were both shaking, he was looking at me but I wasn't yet; I was afraid that if I'd look at him he might disappear! He came so close to me, circled my waist, and put his face in my hair!I gently touched his eyelid with my lips, then his cheekbone, I pulled him towards me and I kissed his nape, I bit on his earlobe and I heard his moaning, I asked him in a low voice:"How much do you like me?""A lot, I like you so much! I couldn't like you more! I imagined this moment millions of times… If only you knew! I was in love head over heels with you… You were my first love…""Call me Corina!""Corina, Corina! I'm so happy! This is the happiest moment of my life!""Mine too …believe me!"I was still kissing his earlobe, touching his lips with my fingers, I turned easily, he was waiting for me, he was madly kissing me. He stuck his tongue all the way into my esophagus, I couldn't breathe anymore, I felt him clinging to me, almost inside me, I felt his erection, my knees were shaking, I whispered to him:"Come over to my place, Raresh!""Are you alone Corina?""Yes Raresh, I'm alone!"We kissed and we hugged all the way home, and walked by a drunkard man, fallen in the gutter, who hatefully watched us going by.I don't know how we got home, I didn't care about anything anymore, I didn't care if anyone should see or recognize me, or what consequences that might have… I nervously opened the door… Raresh wouldn't stop kissing me, all over and so did I. I began undressing him passionately in the dark and he tried to do the same thing to me, but he couldn't. I undressed myself and pulled him over on the oval carpet in the living room. Often had I watched the carpet when I was vacuuming it and fantasized about this. I laid on my back and pulled him over, I spread my legs and I almost sucked him inside me. He finished right away, I didn't have an orgasm. We remained on the carpet, holding each other and after a while, he gently started fondling one of my breasts, then the other, then he got up and tried bringing them together so he could fit both of them in his mouth. Then he started going down gently, licking my stomach, then he slid away, biting my pubic area. I could feel his curly hair on my thighs, caressing me, driving me crazy, and clinging to me like a soft Syrian blanket. I felt his tongue trying to get inside me, his hungry lips on my clitoris, almost biting me, and so he went on and on until I forgot everything that might have still mattered until then. Orgasm after orgasm, he knew I loved it, he did it for me, even though he got tired he frantically kept doing it, he would not stop! I heard my screams creeping upstairs towards the bedrooms, I pulled his curly hair as hard as I could, I pulled him near and kissed his lips that still smelled like me, I licked the saliva off his mouth, I wrapped my legs around his body, which perfectly suited mine. I could now see his face because it wasn't so dark anymore, as the streetlight dimly lit the room. He was looking at me and I told him:"Get inside me and call my name!""Corina… Corina… Corina!"He kept starring into my eyes:"Corina… Corina… Corina… Corina…"He was moving constantly, youthfully, powerfully, passionately… And I felt as if I was going through fire… My thighs hurt, I was burning… I wanted it to last forever, to never have to end!"Now, now!" I screamed, "tell me: Happy birthday Corina! Noow!""Happy birthday, Corina!" I heard him screaming over my screams, over the noise of the opened door and the light switch turned on…I saw Relu walking in, holding a huge flower bouquet and a big cake, I saw his look, his distrust, his horror. I saw him meticulously leaving the cake and the flowers on the living room table, and going up the stairs, closing the bedroom door without slamming it.Raresh was livid. I told him to get dressed; I got dressed too and walked him to the door. I got back. I felt terrible, I didn't know what to do, but at the same time I was indifferent. I climbed the stairs and opened the bedroom door. Relu was already in bed with the light turned off.I stood like that for a while then I wanted to turn on the light.I heard him calmly and clearly telling me:"Don't turn on the light and don't try to say anything! I don't want you to say anything! I never want to know anything about all this! We'll both think about what we're going to do. Tomorrow I'm moving out!""Relu, but what about Cezar!""I'll come and visit him! For now he doesn't have to know that we're separated! Anyway I'm gone most of the time… You can tell him that I'm away taking some classes… I will surely come to see him! Until we decide, it's better that no one should know, neither our friends, nor our neighbors, or my colleagues… I don't want any discussions right now, I'm going through a difficult moment… When we'll be invited somewhere, we'll go together… It's for the best! Until we decide what we're going to do… Now we're too close to everything… We can't do anything… I don't want you to tell me anything, I won't even ask how many times it happened, nor why it happened with a boy just a few years older than your son… Only a child!... But this is not important right now! I just want to sleep! Close the door and go away, please! I don't want to have to look at you!""But where will you live?""I think you don't have the right to ask this kind of questions anymore!""You're moving in with Coca, aren't you?" I asked him in revolt."Yes I am! Now close the door!" Cezar, the main character in Party with Mother (Polirom, 2004) "is detached and cynical, always lying in wait. Exhausted by his obsession with Deea, the woman who belongs only to herself and has no secrets because she is too indifferent to find any guilt with herself, by his obsession with incest regarding Deea, by his obsession that he and Deea resemble so much physically that they may be siblings, by his attachment for Coca, his once stepmother, by his suspicion that he may be Coca's son, by the powerful self-adoration, by his childhood and its hits…" "It is an erotic-blasphemous novel, in the terms used by Georges Bataille to define eroticism: violation of interdiction, profanation, transgression of norms. It is also a psychoanalytical, Oedipal novel, one of a desperate need for healing, for exorcism (in this case, of an incestuous phantasm). The world Veronica A. Cara (b. 1976) writes about is one of 'partying', of amusement as escape from one's self and from one's fears and hidden weaknesses, a world of drifting identities." (Paul Cernat)

by Veronica A. Cara (b. 1976)