The thermometer stands at 33 centigrade in the shade. In the scorching heat, a coach stops in Patience Street at 11 A, at around three in the afternoon. A gentleman gets off the carriage and, at a sluggish pace, approaches the door with a marquee, then rings the doorbell. He rings once. Nothing happens. He rings twice, three times… Again nothing. He keeps his finger thrust into the button. At last, a footman comes and opens the door.In the ensuing episodes, every person involved will keep an imperturbably calm, balanced and dignified attitude.Gentleman: Is your master home?Footman: Yes; but he told me, if anyone should come around, to say he left for the country.G: You tell him I came.F: I cannot, sir.G: Why?F: His room is locked.G: Then knock and he'll open.F: But he took the key when he left.G: So he did leave after all?F: No, sir, he did not.G: You're stupid, pal.F: No, sir, I'm not.G: You said he's not home.F: He is, sir.G: But you said he left, didn't you?F: No, sir, he did not.G: Then he is at home.F: No, he's not, but he didn't go to the country, he just went out.G: Where to?F: To the city.G: Where exactly?!F: Bucharest.G: Then tell him I was here, will you.F: What is your name?G: What has it got to do with you?F: So that I can tell him.G: Tell him what? How can you tell him anything as long as I didn't tell you what to tell him? Let me tell you first, don't rush… Tell him, when he gets back, that he was called on…F: By whom?G: Me.F: Your name…?G: Enough! He knows me, we're friends.F: Very well, sir.G: Did you understand?F: I sure did, sir.G: Oh, yes – tell him that we must meet at any cost.F: Where?G: He knows. But tell him he must come no matter what.F: When?G: Whenever he can.F: Very well.G: Did you understand?F: I sure did, sir.G: Oh! And if he sees our friend…F: What friend?G: He knows! He must tell him that nothing could be done about that business, because I spoke to the person-don't forget it!F: How could I?G: -and he said it was too late now because he didn't come on time; if he had come a few days earlier, it would have been a different story, something could have been done-remember it!F: I will, sir.G: -because the aunt of the person who went to pay the earnest money to the custodian of the minors hadn't gone yet, and he didn't know it, because the lady's nephew hadn't told him with whom he had almost closed the deal, if only he had awaited till Monday evening, when the solicitor is due back, for he left to settle some boundary drawing; but now, unfortunately, it became impossible from more than one point of view, which he knows too well… Tell him that.F: Very well, sir.The gentleman leaves. The footman is about to close the door. The gentleman returns.G: You know what? Don't tell him anything, you may not remember the persons exactly. I'd rather come back tonight and tell him personally. When is Mr. Costică coming back for dinner?F: Which Mr. Costică?G: Your master.F: Which master, sir?G: Yours, Mr. Costică.F: My master's name is not Costică. He's a landlord.G: So what? What if he's a landlord?F: His name is Mr. Popescu.G: Popescu what?F: What do you mean?G: Of course, Popescu, landlord, all right… Popescu what?F: I can't possibly know this.G: Isn't his name Costică Popescu?F: No.G: It cannot be.F: Yes it can.G: You see, then?F: See what?G: His name is Costică.F: Not at all. Mitică.G: Mitică? That's impossible! What street is this?F: It's number 11 A…G: I'm not asking about 11 A.F: My master said he didn't like 13, because it's fatal.G: I don't care about 13. I'm asking about the street's name. What street is this?F: Patience Street.G: Then this is not the one.F: Yes it is.G: No it's not.F: Yes it is.G: On the contrary, I'm looking for Mr. Costică Popescu at 11 A, Sapient Street.F: Is that so?G: Exactly.F: Then this is not the one.G: Very well.The gentleman goes back to the coach. The coachman is sleeping on the dicky. The horses are sleeping in their harness.Gentleman: Let's go, coachman!Coachman: Coachman not free… There is client, surry…G: Where did you take him from?C: Frum there, surry.G: Now look, wasn't that me?C: Well, well! It is you, surry.The gentleman gets on. The coachman cracks his whip. The horses wake up and pull out. The gentleman stands up behind the coachman.G: Listen, do you know Patience Street?C: Not know that one, surry.An old woman is passing by. The gentleman stops the coach.Gentleman: Excuse me, madam, do you happen to know where Patience Street is?Old Woman: This is it, sonny.G: No way! Isn't she senile! Drive on, coachman!The coach sets forward. The gentleman signals him to stop by a small grocery at the corner; a boy with a green apron is dozing on the threshold.Gentleman: Young man, what street is this?Boy: Patience Street.G: Moron! Drive on, coachman!The coach runs on a good stretch of road. A policeman on a bench by the gate to a big yard. He took off his boots to cool his feet. The gentleman makes a sign. The coach halts.Gentleman: Sergeant!Sergeant: At your service!G: Excuse me, do you know where Patience Street is?S: This is the one.G: Impossible!S: It is, sir, indeed.G: Mr. Popescu's house, at 11 A…S: Yes, it's up the street on the left, yellow houses with a yard and marquee…G: A-ha! The footman's a moron! Thank you. Drive back, coachman!
by I. L. Caragiale (1852-1912)
