It's two o'clock in the afternoon. In Mr. Nae Huiduma's "inexpensive eating house" ("various hot and cold meals for prices that defy any competition") there are no more customers. The last one, Mr. Codica, from the Clerk's Office of the court, has left as he usually does. That is drunk and holding a used toothpick in his mouth. Mr. Nae, the shopkeeper, left as early as half past twelve. He is at the court being a party in a legal case. Only Iliutsa, a young boy about thirteen years of age is around as his duty requires. In his capacity of "garçon" and deputy of his employer he busies himself walking self-importantly amidst dirty tablecloths and glasses and cigarette butts lying on saucers or floating in coffee dregs. "Hello theeeere!" Iliutsa turns his head and casts a professional glance at the two customers who have just entered. "Hi, theeere! Does the gentlemen wants to have lunch?" Gogu and Fane look at each other smiling. How on earth would not they "wants" to have lunch since they haven't eaten anything for thirty-six hours, wondering about the streets and public gardens without a penny in their pockets, without a cigarette and without any kind of hope?… "Sure we want to have lunch, Mac. You don't think we've come here for a game of billiards, do you?" "We've got billiards, too," Iliutsa hastily informs them. "In the back room. We've got even bowling." "All right, all right, after lunch. Bring us the menu, now. And make haste, we are starving!" "We don't have any menu card here, but I can tell you that I can offer you a sour soup with cream, a Serbian stew, any kind of grilled dish and pancakes that is made on order." "OK, then!… Clean the table and bring a couple of vodkas with some starters and a kilo of wine." "And mineral water?" "What kind of mineral water have you got?" "Soda. We've got some absinthe, too." "Bring a kilo of absinthe and soda instead of mineral water, then. And come and get our order. And bring some starters, too." Iliutsa disappeared in a jiffy at the back of the pub and then, like a devil, down through the trap door into the cellar from where he came back in a couple of moments equipped with a bottle of absinthe, hazy because of the underground coolness. Then the vodkas arrived and the two sour soups and then four helpings of Serbian stew, two beefsteaks and two rib steaks, two helpings of ram testicles, escalopes, two helpings of pancakes and six large white coffees with some rum "to go with them". As for the drinks, what can be said? The fourth bottle of wine generously dripped its last drops into Fane's glass, while Gogu was assuring him that, consequently, the girls' eyes will follow suit… "Garçon! The bill!" "Coming!" Happy to have had so generous clients while the shopkeeper was off, Iliutsa took the pencil from behind his ear, produced a small notebook from the upper pocket of his apron and prepared to write. "Are you paying together?" "Together…" Iliutsa started to write the figures one under the other, carefully, not to forget anything. "How much is it in all, love?" Fane asked. "Six hundred and thirty lei…" "Tip included?" "No." "Well then, make it seven hundred, to have a round figure." "Thank you, sir." Fane took the bill and checked it from top to bottom and then put his hand in his breast pocket. Gogu seized his hand promptly. "What are you doing, man?" "I'm paying." "No way! I'm paying." "Impossible." "Listen to me! I invited you, so I am paying." And it was Gogu's turn to put his hand in his breast pocket. Fane tore himself away, protesting violently. "I will not have it! No way… I'm paying today… You are going to pay tonight…" "You are really making me angry. You are offending me. You paid yesterday and the day before…" "Let me pay, please…" "I can't accept that…" Iliutsa was watching delightedly the two friends quarreling about who was going to pay and smiled to each of them in turn… "Gogu, I'll be damned if you don't let me pay…" "Fane, don't push it too far…" "Let's not fight anymore, as I'm not going to give in. Let's have chance decide for us. We'll blindfold the boy with this napkin and move to another table and the one he touches first is going to pay. Agreed?" "Agreed." Iliutsa happily agreed too to be blindfolded and declared the judge of this dispute and the blind man's buff chase began amidst the tables, to everybody's mirth.. "You are going to pay!" Iliutsa burst up happily seizing one of them and holding him tight by the sleeve… "I'm going to pay for what? What am I going to pay for, kid?" A strong hand snatched the napkin he had around his head. Iliutsa was stunned to discover Mr. Nae Huiduma, his employer, standing in front of him and looking at him in amazement… Mr. Huiduma had lost his case in court…
by Tudor Muşatescu (1903-1970)
